I've placed quotes on my home page for many years, since well before the web was cool (over 20 years, now). This page lists quotes that have been on my home page in the past. Many of these pre-date the advent of style sheets, so they are not so nicely formatted. Every now and then I update a few more to use the style sheet format.
"Tsk, tsk," said the Hatter, "what a mess you've made."
"It is perfectly fine," replied Alice calmly. "I will leave it for the garbage collection service to recover."
"Don't expect any garbage collection here. Furthermore, your polymorphic variables won't ever be properly deleted, because you haven't declared your destructor to be virtual."
"My what to be what?" said Alice, starting to get worried.
"Declare your destructor. You must have a destructor. Everything that is constructed should be destroyed; it's only natural. Furthermore, if you are ever not quite what you seem, you should declare yourself to be virtual."
"A rule to remember!" roared the Red Queen. "Never make a mess without cleaning it up first."
"You can ignore her," whispered the Dormouse, picking up the tea cake Alice had just set aside, "but you shouldn't cast away const so lightly."
Alice began to feel that this new world she found herself in was not quite the same as the cozy sitting room she had just left.
Timothy Budd (1999) C++ for Java Programmers
PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals.
The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
The computing scientist's main challenge is not to get confused by the complexities of his own making.
E. W. Dijkstra
There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
Deleted code is debugged code.
After losing the America's Cup final in 2007, responding to a question about whether winning the Cup was worth his investment: "I don't know. I've never won the America's Cup. But I can tell you this: it certainly isn't worth a hundred million dollars to lose the American's Cup."
The greatest weariness comes from work not done.
The poor workman hates his tools, the good workman hates poor tools.
Gerald M. Weinberg, The Psychology of Computer Programming
Programming is not a zero-sum game. Teaching something to a fellow programmer doesn't take it away from you. I'm happy to share what I can, because I'm in it for the love of programming.
The days when you needed amazing Silicon Graphics machines to run animation software are gone now.
Dave Rowntree, musician and animator
My love, my sweet Queen, my noble wife. Severed, too quickly, too cruelly from this life. I remain and suffer to bring delivery of your pain. Of fires drawn and memories met, soon we shall hold our two precious hearts in single time.
Anton Phibes in The Abominable Dr. Phibes
Nothing exceeds like excess. You should know that, Tony.
Elvira in Scarface
Booing a soldier serving our nation is uncalled for
Ari Fleisher, White House Spokesman after a gay soldier serving in Iraq was booed at the Republican presidential debate
As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Edsger W. Dijkstra
"Real Housewives of D.C." star Michaele Salahi hit the road with Journey guitarist Neal Schon and was not kidnapped as her husband suspected, according to a representative with Schon's management company.
CNN, this is the silliest news item I've read in a while.
Let me warn the nation, against the smooth evasion which says, "of course we believe all these things, we believe in social-security, we believe in work for the unemployed, we believe in saving homes-cross our hearts and hope to die, we believe in all these things. But we do not like the way the president's administration is doing them. Just turn them over to us. We will do all of them, we will do more of them, we will do them better, and best of all, the doing of them will not cost anybody anything."
A little-known statute gives the secretary of the Treasury the authority to issue platinum coins in any denomination. So some commentators have suggested that the Treasury create two $1 trillion coins, deposit them in its account in the Federal Reserve and write checks on the proceeds.
Jack M. Balkin, Knight Professor of Constitutional Law, Yale Law School
We need to reread the Constitution and enforce the Constitution. And I know that there s some people that are not going to do that. So, for the benefit for those that are not going to read it because they don t want us to go by the Constitution, there s a little section in there that talks about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness..
Herman Cain, Republican Presidential Candidate who needs to reread the Constitution himself (life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are from the Declaration of Independence).
Obama's not a guy you want to play poker with, because he's got the straightest face in the business.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.
Dr Greystone was going to invent a magic time-travelling DeLorean, and go back in time to when I was playing Marty McFly... and curiously, in that alternate universe, Michael Fox was playing Dr. Greystone - and Caprica was a big fat hit!
EEric Stoltz, who played Daniel Graystone of the now cancelled Caprica
Notwithstanding the tragic loss of life in the Gulf of Mexico, we achieved an exemplary statistical safety record as measured by our total recordable incident rate and total potential severity rate. As measured by these standards, we recorded the best year in safety performance in our Company's history.
Transocean, Ltd. SEC filing. Yes, that Transocean.
GAAAAAAHHHH ARRRRGH DIE DIE JUST GODDAMN DIE WHY DON'T YOU YOU FLUFFY WHITE BASTARDS I AM COMING FOR YOU WITH A FLAMETHROWER AND A FRIGGIN EASY BAKE OVEN I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY IN THIS WORLD AND THE NEXT THAT I WILL END YOU BWA HA HA HA HAH AH HA HA HA YEEEEARRGGGH.
John Scalzi, Author, commenting on recent snowfalls
Internet is that massive computer network. The one that's becoming really big now. A lot of people use it to communicate.
Katie Couric, 1993
It can't be stressed enough that in order to produce great graphics, you have to have a good product and a good client capable of making decisions.
One of the problems the internet has introduced is that in the electronic village all the village-idiots have internet access.
If a cow is playing FarmVille, is he actually playing The Sims?
Matt Silverman, Mashable Comics
Forgive me but you are to the bathtub what Janet Leigh was to the shower.
You used to ask a smart person a question. Now, who do you ask? It starts with g-o, and it's not God
If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to make him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Janet Reno, formal Attorney General of the United States.
Saw a very funny bumper sticker in Atlanta: Palin/Voldemort 2012.
Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.
Modern Man is in crisis. He has degenerated from the redoubtable pillar he became through centuries of refinement and slipped resignedly into the popular depiction of himself as a witless under-achiever, incapable of looking after himself or those around him. Man Lab is designed to reverse the rot..
James May about his new series Man Lab
An individual, including a citizen of the United States, determined to be an unprivileged enemy belligerent under section 3(c)(2) ... may be detained without criminal charges and without trial for the duration of hostilities against the United States or its coalition partners in which the individual has engaged, or which the individual has purposely and materially supported, consistent with the law of war and any authorization for the use of military force provided by Congress pertaining to such hostilities.
Senate bill 3081 introduced by John McCain. Section 3(c)(2) includes "such other matters that the President considers appropriate!" McCain has completely lost it.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in
Robert Orben (US magician and comedy writer)
The ant is knowing and wise, but he doesn't know enough to take a vacation
Clarence Day, author
Never underestimate Tom Izzo.
Seth Davis, Sports Illustrated
Program testing can be used to show the presence of bugs, but never to show their absence!
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Bad code isn't bad, its just misunderstood.
The soft sail is a bit of a fail; the wing is king.
Sportscaster Andy Green as BMW Oracle USA defeats Alingi in race one of the America's Cup by 15:27
Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgment day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.
One Tin Soldier by Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter
You guys said that we did this for a show.
Falcon Heene, son of Richard Heene about the balloon HOAX.
He's become the new Sarah Palin of the Republican Party, where one's popularity is in inverse proportion to one's stupidity -- the stupider a Republican is these days the more popular he or she becomes.
Bruce Bartlett, former Reagan advisor about Joe Wilson, clearly not understanding the meaning of the word inverse.
We're switching the sounds, not so much the tone of the instrument. And when things seem impossible, it's back to grade school, soldering, re-developing - always building.
Les Paul (1915-2009), Musician and inventor of the electric guitar, multitrack recording, phasing, overdubbing, and many other techniques that revolutionized the way music is produced and recorded.
People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.
Investor's business daily.
I wouldn't be here today if it were not for the NHS. I have received a large amount of high-quality treatment without which I would not have survived.
Stephen Hawking, who is, in fact, British.
I was asked to work for an annual salary of $1, and I agreed out of a sense of duty to the company and to the public officials who have come to its aid.
Jack DeSantis, form VP of AIG's financial products unit. Sense of duty or that contract that guaranteed him a bonus of more than $1 million?
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin', into the future.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'WOW What a Ride!'
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid? Stupid and cute. But stupid - I don't know.
Issues are never simple. One thing I'm proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues.
This is somebody who has been in Congress for 26 years, who put seven of the most powerful Washington lobbyists in charge of his campaign. And now he tells us that he is the one who is going to take on the old boys network. The old boys network, in the McCain campaign, that's called a staff meeting.
She's a populist, she's an economic and a social conservative, she's a reformer, she's a former mayor, she's the mayor I think of the second largest city in Alaska before she ran for governor.
Karl Rove re. selection of Sarah Palin as running mate to John McCain. Wasilla, AK has a population of 9,780.
He's been a governor for three years...he was the mayor of the 105th largest city in America, and, with all due respect to Richmond, Virginia, it's smaller than Chula Vista, California, Aurora, Colorado, Mesa or Gilbert, Arizona, North Las Vegas or Henderson, Nevada; it's not a big town. So, if he were to pick Gov. Kane, it would be an intensely political choice, where he said, you know what, I'm really not first and foremost concerned with if this person is capable of being president of the United States.
Karl Rove re. Tim Kaine as a possible running mate for Barack Obama. Richmond, VA has a population of 200,123 and a metropolitan area population of 1.1 million
In the 21st century nations don't invade other nations
John McCain, Birmingham, MI, Aug. 13, 2008 ???
Everything I tried to say but no one listens anyway I had to give up everything I knew
Raining Again by Moby
You had a minute-and-a-half of that lady riding a bike naked in Central Park. On the other hand, you had less than a minute of hard national and international news.
Diana Christensen (Faye Dunaway) in Network
I will have one of the cleanest obits of any actress. I never did cheesecake like Ann Sheridan or Betty Grable. I just used my hair.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Clearly, if we'd had the kind of computer graphics capability then that we have now, the Star Gate sequence would be much more complex than flat planes of light and color.
Douglas Trumbull about 2001: A Space Odyssey
American consumers might benefit if lenders provided greater mortgage product alternatives to the traditional fixed-rate mortgage.
Alan Greenspan, 2004. Can you say "clueless"?
I don't play monsters. I play men besieged by fate and out for revenge.
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one
Breathe from Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd
To keep from dying is not the same as to live.
Frank Herbert, Bene Gesserit saying
Some have the speed and the right combinations.
If you can't take the punches it don't mean a thing.
And now ladies and gentlemen let the show
If I tell you the way it was, will you listen in?
And now ladies and gentlemen, Patricia Kaas, from the CD Piano Bar
You know horses are smarter than people. You
never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.
Men should be barred from public office for
100 years in every part of the world. ... It would be a much kinder, gentler,
more intelligently run world. The men have had millions of years where we've
been running things. We've screwed it up hopelessly. Let's give it to the women
I think that's going to be a little
different because there (social studies) you're dealing much more with fact, in
science you're dealing much more with theory
Brian Palmer, Michigan State Representative and Chair of the House Education Committee. Physics, a theory? Chemistry? Magnetism, gravity?
One of the hardest parts of my job is to
connect Iraq to the war on terror
George W. Bush
See, the irony is what they really need to
do is to get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this s***.
George W. Bush. Irony?
I have a bad feeling that some pizza
delivery guy's last words to his coworkers were "Hey, I have a delivery to that
Enron guy's house! Wish me luck!
Been spendin' most our lives in a
Prove theorems once or twice in a mathematics paradise
Sometimes we prove them thrice in a mathematics paradise
And our advisors give advice in a mathematics paradise
Mathematics Paradise (sung to the tune of Gangsta's Paradise), The Klein Four
I would say the best moment was when I
caught a seven-and-a-half pound large mouth bass on my lake.
George W. Bush describing the greatest moment of his presidency.
All Televisions tuned to FOX News.
If the Hotel would like to put a gift in the Suite please let the Advance Office know ASAP.
Vice President Cheney's "downtime requirements" as provided to all hotels he stays in.
President Bush began by calling for greater
civility in politics. That's like Paris Hilton calling for chastity
Paul Begala, CNN
Jessica recognizes that she has a very broad
Spokesperson for Jessica Simpson, explaining the size-2 entertainer's introduction of a plus-size line of jeans.
Our schedule is flexible
BBC television request to the Bob Marley Foundation for an interview with the reggae star who died in 1981.
I couldn't help making a contrast between
some of the worst of what I saw on the campus (Princeton University) and the
good sense and the decency of the people back in my own community.
Samuel A. Alito, former member of Concerned Alumni of Princeton, a far right group opposed to the admission of women and minorities.
People nowadays just don't seem to know
1983 article in Prospect, the magazine of Concerned Alumni of Princeton, concerning African Americans and Latinos.
There was a big 'Rest in Peace' on my
balcony on the other house. I'm still here, thank God. I'm alive and
Fats Domino on returning to his New Orleans home..
You are the best Governor
Harriet Miers in a card to George W. Bush while Governor of Texas.
Blessed are the
peacemakers. Jane Fonda?
But for the Democratic senators, there was
clearly one issue that Americans are demanding to know Roberts' views on, as
senators Leahy and Kennedy both brought up Hurricane Katrina. Much to
Republicans' relief, Judge Roberts came out strongly anti-Katrina.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Web-only Headlines
Excuse me, Senator, I'm sorry for
interrupting. ...For the last four days, I've been seeing dead bodies in the
streets here in Mississippi. And to listen to politicians thanking each other
and complimenting each other, you know, I got to tell you, there are a lot of
people here who are very upset, and very angry, and very frustrated. And when
they hear politicians slap -- you know, thanking one another, it just, you know,
it kind of cuts them the wrong way right now, because literally there was a body
on the streets of this town yesterday being eaten by rats because this woman had
been laying in the street for 48 hours.
Anderson Cooper, CNN, responding to comments by Mary Landrieu, Senator from Louisiana.
I'm looking forward to my trip down there.
And looking forward to thanking those on the ground...
George W. Bush
Levee-raising is only part of the
flood-related work that has stopped since the federal government began
reducing Corps of Engineers appropriations in 2001, as more money was diverted
to homeland security, the fight against terrorism and the war in Iraq.
New Orleans Times-Picayune, June 8, 2004
Constantly fails the
exam? I'd hardly call 11 times constantly.
Arnold Rimmer in Red Dwarf
The seven marvels that
best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined
by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
People want to listen to a message, word
from Jah. This could be passed through me or anybody. I am not a leader.
Messenger. The words of the songs, not the person, is what attracts people.
morning I was thinking how right they were to say it was better to be a dead
horse than a live lion.' He gazed out of the scuttle, obviously going over the
words in his mind. 'No. I mean better to flog a dead horse than a live lion. Yet
even that's not quite right, neither. I know there is a dead horse in it
somewhere; but I'm afraid I'm brought by the lee this time, though I rather
pride myself on proverbs..."
Jack Aubrey in The Far Side of the World by Patrick O'Brian
Mowett, speaking of his publishers: 'I was
about to say they were the most hellish procrastinators--:'
'Oh how dreadful,' cried Fanny. 'Do they go to--to special houses, or do they...'.
William Mowett and Fanny Harte Wray in The Letter of Marque by Patrick O'Brian
A book should serve as
the ax for the frozen sea within us.
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the
world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's
starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't
see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly
dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and
daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the
planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the
people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of
love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love
actually is all around.
Hugh Grant as the Prime Minister in Love Actually
Those crime scene guys are highly overrated.
The problem is they all think they're cops.
Lenny Briscoe in Law and Order, "Kid Pro Quo" (2003). An obvious jab at CSI.
Tucker Carlson: You had John Kerry on your
show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?
Jon Stewart: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.
Jon Stewart and Tucker Carlson on CNN's Crossfire
Saddam Hussein had no intention of disarming. Why should he? He had 16 other resolutions and nothing took place.
And, secondly, to think that another round
of resolutions would have caused Saddam Hussein to disarm, disclose is ludicrous
in my judgment.
George W. Bush, 2004 Presidential Debates. Note: No WMD's, Saddam did disarm!
The whole campus is closed -- (ostensibly)
to thwart terrorists, more likely to thwart Nader and Buchanan. Nader gets
kicked out of the debate audience, even though he got himself a ticket from a
student. He's threatening lawsuits. But I'm not worried about such things. I am
inside the debate area, and I am delighted to find an Anheuser Busch refreshment
tent, where there is beer flowing, snacks, Budweiser girls in red sweaters, the
baseball playoffs on television, ping pong and fusbol.
Dana Milbank, Washington Post, about the 2000 Presidential debates
If our music survives, which I have no doubt
it will, then it will because it is good.
Jerry Goldsmith, Composer, 1929-2004
I want people to get their head up out of
their mashed potatoes and learn something about the issues and go and vote. ...
I'm not telling them how to vote. I'm saying, get information about the issues.
leaders, especially in time of war, is one of the highest forms of patriotism
And will we find our destination
Within a time of resignation
A night of poetry and motion
At 69, until the end of time
Until the end of time, Sarah Brightman
(Iraq has given reporters) a degree of
freedom which we appreciate.
Peter Arnett. Iraq has expelled many journalists from Baghdad and three are now missing.
The air was thick with four-letter words.
Bertrand Pace, tactician for Team New Zealand after their boat was dismasted in race 4 of the America's Cup.
I wanted to fire off the starting gun but I
am not going to. The Omega people know that once before when they had me
involved that my shot didn't go exactly straight and it hit a photographer and
broke his hand so they thought the gun for sure would not be a good idea so we
are leaving that to the professionals. But I get to be on the committee boat and
help with the countdown for the start and just be out on the water for the
Cindy Crawford about starting the first race of the America's Cup.
I didn't think Omaha was awake at 4:00 in
Jack Nicholson apologizing for walking around naked in his rental house in Omaha all hours of the morning.
No you're not dead, you look, you look
great. You're not decomposing or anything...I'm not just saying that
Jeff on the BBC comedy Coupling. For lots of more Jeff-isms, go to www.richardcoyle.com
We'll be racing 76. We still haven't sold
all the USA-76 clothing in the shop yet so we have to persevere a little bit
longer before we change our boat!
Chris Dickson, skipper of the Oracle BMW challenge for the America's Cup
I think the solution is to find yourself in
a situation when you don't have this as your destiny
Francesco de Angelis of Prada Challenge on not getting an opportunity to sail two races and tie the America's Cup challenger series
This is a unique manifestation of democracy
which is superior to all other forms of democracies even in these countries
which are besieging Iraq and trying to suffocate it
Izzat Ibrahim, vice chairman of Iraq's Revolutionary Command Council about Saddam Hussein receiving exactly 100% of the votes and 100% voter turnout in his reelection as president for another 7 years.
To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war
Winston Churchill on Korean War negotiations
Quasimodo predicted all this
Bobby Bacula about the World Trade Center attack.
Nostradamus. Quasimodo's the hunchback of Notre Dame
Tony Soprano's response.
Interestingly, according to modern
astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly
for people who can never remember where they have left things.
I have killed thousands. I have killed proud
young warriors and wise old rulers. I have killed mothers with babes in their
arms. I have killed the just, the wicked, and the beautiful. I have done this
for two thousand years in the service of His Divine Shadow and apparently the
fun never stops!
Kai in Lexx
There is no band. This is all an illusion.
Silencio emcee in Mulholland Dr.
I have killed thousands. I have killed proud
young warriors and wise old rulers. I have killed mothers with babes in their
arms. I have killed the just, the wicked, and the beautiful. I have done this
for two thousand years in the service of His Divine Shadow and apparently the
fun never stops!
Kai in Lexx
I did not fool with the public trust in that
regard. ... What I did, even if you take the version accepted by the jury, did
not hurt anyone at all, except Ricky Shetler, Eddie DeBartolo and Bobby Guidry
Edwin Edwards, former governor of Louisiana about his conviction on extortion and bribery charges.
It's not clear what the purpose of the
report is other than to promote Robert Ray's Senate campaign, Monica Lewinsky's
HBO special and the Paula Jones vs. Tonya Harding boxing match..
Jennifer Palmieri, spokesman for Bill Clinton about the recent Independent Council report.
It makes me sound like a tabloid talk show
host goes to war.
Geraldo Rivera concerning questions about his carrying a gun in Afghanistan. If the shoe fits...
He left this world as he lived in it,
conscious of God, fearless of death, and at peace, surrounded by family and
George Harrison family statement. George Harrison died Nov 29, 2001 after a long battle with cancer.
light of current events, we are changing the name of the band to something more
friendly: "Basket Full Of Puppies". .
Scott, Charlie, Frank, and John of the band Anthrax
I'm not going to fire a $2
million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt.
George W. Bush
Miss Cleo should have seen this coming
Missouri Attorney General Jay Nixon about filing a consumer fraud lawsuit against the psychic Miss Cleo.
On behalf of People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals (PETA), I am writing to ask that you make Timothy McVeigh's
final meals vegetarian ones.
Bruce Friedrich, PETA. Oh, good grief!
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:
Winner of a 60th Annual George Foster Peabody Award for the year 2000
We'd like to think there is a way for
academic information to be disseminated in a manner that furthers academic
research but also balances the legitimate interests of those with trade secrets
and other proprietary information
Verance Chairman David Leibowitz, after researchers easily defeated the Secure Digital Music Initiative watermarking methods and planned on presenting their work. Leibowitz is deluded if he thinks secrecy will make any method secure.
I marveled at the beauty of our planet.
People of the world, let us safeguard and enhance this beauty, not destroy it.
Yuri Gargarin, who was the first man in space, April 12, 1961.
I've coined new words, like, "misunderstanding"
George W. Bush, who doesn't seem to know that "misunderstanding" was already a word.
All we are saying is give peace a chance.
John Lennon, 1940-December 8, 1980
It is time, time... Now. Yes. She is so
small and compact and yet she has all the necessary features... Shall I compare
thee to a Sony Walkman, thou art more compact and more,ť She is his own
Toshiba, his dinky little JVC, his sweet Aiwa... Aiwa, aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa
aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwa aiwaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.
Sean Thomas in the novel Kissing England, winner of the 2000 Bad Sex in Fiction award.
Calling this whole thing Indecision 2000
was, in and of itself, a bit lighthearted, perhaps a stab at humor on our
otherwise serious show.
Jon Steward on The Daily Show
Let me make sure that I understand.
calling back to retract that concession?
George W. Bush, to Al Gore
Don't get snippy about it!
Al Gore, in response.
(Presidential Candidate George W. Bush) practiced
perching. He had a chance to practice sitting on the stool, getting off
the stool, getting up and walking, relating to the questioner.
Karen Hughes, spokeswoman for the Bush campaign. Next: advanced lessons in gum chewing.
Remember America, I gave you the Internet and I can take it
away. Think about it.
Al Gore on the Letterman Show
The lowest point was reached when the network (NBC) aired a
piece about an Australian boy with cancer,ťa touching story in itself,
naturally, but one of dubious relevance to the (Olympic) Games. The boy is not
an athlete, no, nor a member of an athlete's family. It seems his older
brother once dated the older sister of Australia's swimming superstar, Ian
Tom Shales, The Washington Post
I want to express my sincerest
thanks to you for all of Pixelon's assistance with our e.GOP
Project. The fact is the RNC could not do it without
you. The technology is absolutely fantastic; we are
anxiously awaiting your public debut.
Artwork by Noel Owen.
There ought to be limits to freedom
George W. Bush about his attempts to shut down Web sites that parody of his candidacy. See www.gwbush.com.
I have a feeling that very little software
written today, except for some FORTRAN programs, will be in use anywhere near AD
3400, but I have faith that Windows 2000 should have shipped by that time.
Dale Rogerson, Inside COM, Microsoft's Component Object Model, Microsoft Press, about the year 3400 rollover of the COM Global Unique ID.
If no significant problems occur by the end
of January, then I will concede I was wrong about a Y2K global downturn and
change the odds of a recession-vs-expansion from 70-30 to 30-70.
Dr. Ed Yardeni, oft-cited Y2K expert.
The U.S. private sector and the federal,
state and local governments are all in bad shape for 2000. The rest of the world
is much further behind than we are. Many are at great risk and will suffer deep
and severe related problems, many of which will negatively impact our economy.
Warren Bone, Independent Y2K consultant.
I would like to sincerely apologize for my
misapprehension of the Year 2000.
John Yellig, Westergaard Year 2000 Newsletter
The year 2000, as fate would have it, has 54
weeks! It turns out that a 54-week year happens once every 28 years, so the last
time was 1972 ... well before the birth of many software packages now in common
Allegro Consultants, Inc., former Y2K consulting firm - Oh, go get a life!
The new Pakistani general, he's just been
elected; not elected, this guy took over office. It appears this guy is going
to bring stability to the country and I think that's good news for the
George W. Bush, Presidential Candidate about the military overthrow of the elected Pakistani government.
There's something called the Arrow missile
system, which is an inter-ballistic, a short-range inter-ballistic missile
system that intercepts missiles coming from elsewhere.
More George W. Bush. And we though Dan Quayle was bad? What's an "inter-ballistic" missle?
When the money becomes the message, the
process is diminished.
Elizabeth Dole, former republican presidential candidate.
Frail my heart apart
And play me a little shady grove
Ring the bells of rhymney
Till they ring inside my head forever
Rounce the bow, rock the gallows
For the hangman's reel
And wake the devil from his dream
Goin' Back to Harlan, Anna McCarrigle, sung by Emmylou Harris
Would you kill a mosquito with an ax?
Lao Ma in the Xena: Warrior Princess episode "The Debt". This is particularly appropriate to many of my CSE471 student project solutions.
Look at Mother Nature on the run, in the Twentieth Century
After the Gold Rush, Neil Young
I just want more than one membership, more than one
In and Out, Ani Defranco
On Tuesday, the world will welcome its 6
billionth person, according to the United Nations Population Fund. U.N.
Secretary-General Kofi Annan will symbolically give the first baby born after
midnight in Sarajevo that honor.
CNN, 10-11-1999. A dubious honor at best.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
(Ebay) Company officials said it was
impossible to tell if the offer (to sell a human kidney) was genuine, or if the
bids ($5.7 million) were serious.
CNN, September 3, 1999. Oh, come on. See Einstein quote below.
If you keep voting for people who are vague on the issues
important to this country, you will be defeated and you deserve to be defeated.
Alan Keyes at the Alabama straw poll
A convicted armed robber blamed his fear of potential Y2K
chaos as one reason for his crimes. Charles Jasper Jr. was sentenced to 30 years in
prison after pleading guilty to two armed robbery charges in Milwaukee County Circuit
Court. Jasper had instructed his parents to begin storing food and water for the
future and promised to take care of them, according to court records. When money got
tight, a defense memorandum said, Jasper took the advice of his friends who suggested he
steal the cash he needed.
Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribute, August 20, 1999
A House subcommittee voted to declare next year's
constitutionally required census an emergency, paving the way to paying its $4.5 billion
cost by dipping into the expected federal surplus.
CNN, July 23, 1999
Emergency - an unforeseen
happening or state of affairs requiring
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary
I knew exactly what I was in for when I had my first
Jeri Ryan on Star Trek: Voyage (TV Guide)
I'm totally comfortable with the quotient of eye candy on
our show. We try to make a smart show that pretends to be sexy and dopey.
Lucy Lawless on Xena (TV Guide)
Kubrick is like someone like Fellini, like Kafka,
like someone who really dreamt for us and gave to us the key to understand something and
the pleasure to tell the story.
Roberto Benigni, actor.
Lawyers and loan sharks are laying America to
I think it really invigorates the democracy, so I
think that's great.
Dar Williams, folk singer and songwriter, about MP3 audio files.
Put your faith in the people. Trust the people. They
can handle it.
All we can do is hope to cloak ourselves with some
dignity in handling this pile of dung ... that the reckless partisan House has handed us.
Tom Harkin, Democrat senator from Iowa
Do you really cleanse the office as provided in the
Constitution or do you use the Air Wick of a censure resolution?"
Henry Hyde. I don't agree with his pursuit of Clinton, but it's a good line.
If you give a person a fish, they'll fish for a day.
But if you train a person to fish, they'll fish for a lifetime.
Dan Quayle, who has announced he's running for President
(Veterinarians) recommend that owners supplement the
(dog anti-depressant) pill regime with regular behavior therapy to help wean their pets of
bad habits stemming from depression.
CNN, Oh good grief. What's next, Puppy Viagra?
I consider myself a person of faith. I work very hard
at being a Christian. And certainly, the Christian Coalition does not speak for me.
A man cannot govern a nation if he cannot govern a
city, he cannot govern a city if he cannot govern a family, he cannot govern a family
unless he can govern himself, and he cannot govern himself unless his passions are subject
Hugo Grotius, 17th century Dutch scholar. Seem to apply to quite a few of our leaders, lately...
When a resolution of censure is sent to the house by
the senate, how many of the Republicans who claimed repeatedly that censure is
unconstitutional will vote for it, anyway?
Charles B. Owen
As to holding this for a couple of more days, that's
a decision our conference has made. We felt the quicker we could go ahead the more we
could show the world our democracy works.
Henry Hyde, House Judiciary Committee, on demonstrating how partisan politics really works.
As part of my own personal deliberations, in the last
48 hours I've spoken to both former President Ford and Bob Dole. Both men emphatically
told me that they -- and of course, both are former House members -- that they would vote
to impeach, that they felt it was the duty of the House."
Rep. Frank Riggs (R-California) Dole has advocated joint censure. Ford advocates a "a harshly worded rebuke as rendered by members of both parties".
I am running because there needs to be one member of
Congress who stands up for the European-American.
David Duke, former leader of the Klu Klux Klan announcing he will run for Bob Livingston's house seat. Brings the politics of hate to a new level, don't you think?
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs
it in like a computer.
Frank and Ernest, Bob Thaves
..., on a patch of grass by the water, two lovers,
trapped in the great circular arguement, are making that great futile attempt all lovers
make to get inside one another and stay there for good. He can't stop touching her because
she wants him to. She wants him so because he can't stop touching her.
Isobel Avens returns to Stepney in the spring, M. John Harrison
I just want more than one membership, more than one
In and Out, Ani Defranco
Nothing can protect us like a wall, from our foes,
from our fears.
Nothing can be broken like a wall, by our hopes, by our tears.
Walls (We are not forgotten), Judy Collins and Louis Nelson
But, in a scandal marked by the term
"oral", Monica has kept her lips sealed.
Jeanne Moos, CNN
Art flies around truth, but with the definate
intention of not getting burnt.
I traded fame for love...
Drowned World/Substitute for Love, Madonna. I have to ask: since when?
The thought of coming across a troop of Boy Scouts
kind of takes the fun out of it.
23-year-old Baltimore woman discussing Nude Hiking Day, June 21, on CNN.
Apple software developers have been combing through
the code of the Macintosh operating system for the past few months and found a lot of
"barnacles and crud in there," Jobs said.
CNN quoting Steve Jobs, This is a surprise?
...he says "if you send me lots of cash I'll
send you stuff to make you rich fast". It's such a wonderful country, but the man
he's burning it down.
Dear Mr. President, Linda Perry of 4 Non Blonds
But if one man among them calls the name of Gwan Shr
Yin Bodhisattva, then the entire group will all be saved from the throes of the
Rakshashas. For this reason he is called "The Enlightened One Who Listens to the
Sounds of All the World."
Sutra on the Lotus Flower of the Wondrous Dharma, Ancient Sanskrit text
And I'll be there, I'll shine in your Japan, I'll
sparkle in your China, Yes I'll be there, Bodhisattva, Bodhisattva
Bodhisattva, Walter Becker and Donald Fagen (Steely Dan)
Though we share this humble path, alone, how fragile
is the heart. Oh give these clay feet wings to fly to touch the face of the stars.
Dante's Prayer, Loreena McKennitt
Once in a vision I came on some woods and stood at a
fork in the road. My choices were clear yet I froze with the fear of not knowing which way
to go. One road was simple acceptance of life, the other road offered sweet peace. When I
made my decision My vision became my release.
Netherlands, Dan Fogelberg
Midway on our life's journey, I found myself In dark
woods, the right road lost.
Inferno, Dante Alighieri
|Is it too strange to think
That, when all life at last from earth is gone,
And round the sun's pale blink
Our desolate planet wheels its ice and stone,
Housed among storm-proof walls may yet abide
Defying long the venoms of decay,
A still dark throng of books, dumb books of song
And tenderest fancies born of youth and May.
A quiet remembering host,
Outliving the poor dust that gave them birth,
Unvisited by even a wandering ghost,
But treasuring still the music of our earth.
In fading hieroglyphics they shall bear
Through death and night, the legend of our Spring,
And how the lilac scented the bright air
When hearts throbbed warm, and lips could kiss and sing.
And, ere that record fail,
Strange voyagers from a mightier planet come
On winged ships that through the void can sail
And gently light upon our ancient home;
Strange voices echo, and strange flares explore,
Lift the brown volumes to the light once more.
And bear their stranger secrets through the stars.
The Last of the Books, Alfred Noyes (early 20th century poet)
I have the cellulite and the stretch marks and all
Super Model Tyra Banks to CNN
Let me show you where I have touched the air.
Judy Collins and Louis Nelson
I walk to the horizon, and there I find another...
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++
makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.
Bjarne Stroustrup, designer of the C++ programming language
There are a lot of people around here who have been
neutered, but I haven't heard a discussion of Buddy being neutered. I do not know the
answer to that. I will talk to the First Dog owner and get the answer to that question.
Mike McCurry, White House Press Secretary
Five candy-colored beauties trapped in fashion waste
Mr. Blackwell on the Spice Girls
May our seeds of light open, brighten, and sow peace
Paula Cole, Singer and Songwriter
The music whispers you in urgency, hold fast to that
Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls
Announcing an OS so advanced, it could only come from
Apple Mac OS 8 promotional material. Does this really mean what they want it to?
The flying saucer is probably not unique to one
civilization that has visited earth repeatedly, but rather a universal design concept used
by many aliens, who may have formed a galactic federation to keep an eye on violent
earthlings just now venturing off into space
Stanton Friedman, nuclear physicist (?) at the Second World UFO Congress
Nicki Brand, Debbie Harry's character in the David Cronenberg film Videodrome
The concept [seemed to be] to put a female on who was
so attractive, a guy channel-surfing would hit on Voyager, the remote would just fall out
of his hand, and he would spend the rest of the night drooling in front of the set.
Robert Picardo of Star Trek: Voyager
She's got a full butt. I think she'll make women with
big butts feel good. Skinny butts are nice, too, but not all the time.
Oliver Stone about casting Jennifer Lopez in U-Turn
..you know me and Jesus we're of the same heart. The
only thing that keeps us distant is that I keep f***ing up.
Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls
Paula (Jones) said obviously she cares more about
honor than money. How could any lawyer work with her?
Bill Maher, Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher, September 9th, 1997
We are more and more into communications and less
I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one
Meredith Brooks, singer and songwriter
...and the hero never dies if the lover hides between
Magnus Sveningsson of the Cardigans
On August 29th 1997 it's gonna feel pretty f***ing
real to you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day...
Sarah Connor in Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Added to page on August 29th, 1997
You get every troll in the world surfing -- you know,
guys with half a head, living in prison. I think we have an audience.
Judy Tenuta, discussing web broadcasts of her comedy act.
I was only happy when you drove me crazy
Merril Bainbridge, Australian signer and songwriter
...the town is full of so many spies; they all avert
Susanna Hoffs, singer and songwriter
I could say that you were a dirty dog, but that's an
insult to the fleas.
Patti Rothberg, Singer and songwriter
ASIA - Asian American, AFRI - African American,
DUNK - Employee of Dunkin' Donuts
Codes for "Special Populations", from New Hampshire Charitable Foundation 1997 Student Aid Form
When deuces are wild you can follow the queen. I'd go
too except I know where she's been.
Suzanne Vega, folk artist
Just think how attractive that could be to some
dictator who fancies the idea of watching himself growing up, or dreams of populating the
world with a new race of genetically superior people.
Dr. Patrick Dixon, author of The Genetic Revolution, discussing human cloning.
We have not yet initiated planning to ensure systems
operations through to the time we will need five digit year dates. This status of that
work will be announced in a future Interface article, in approximately eight thousand
Bill Barry, writing for Interface: Computing news at Dartmouth College
Yeah I'm sober, sure I'm sane
It's one thing to punish a man. It's another thing to
take away his dignity
Jesse Jackson discussing Dennis Rodman. Dignity?
Only 1% of the audience will even know or care who
Zefram Cochrane is. You don't make a movie based on one episode of a TV show.
Brannon Braga, Co-executive Producer, Star Trek Voyager
I am a HAL 9000 computer, production number 3. I
became operational at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January 12, 1997.
HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey
I don't have to have a computer to know what's out
Ann Landers discussing the Internet and her psychic abilities.
...if I'm scared to death that I'm going to get this
or, even worse, my computer, what do I do?
Brian Williams, anchor an MSNBC discussing the Hare virus.
While no current Java virus threats exist, there is a
possibility that a virus could be written. Norton AntiVirus ... can detect a potential
type of Java virus ...
Semantic News Release 960327 selling a scanner for nonexistent viruses???
The world is big, the world is bad,
But I will find the beauty...
Jann Arden, Singer and Songwriter
I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way
Jewel Kilcher, Singer and Songwriter
The parade that's electrical, it serves no real
Just takes up a lot of juice, just to impress us
Eric Stefani, Songwriter for No Doubt
...building a bridge to the 21st century.
Bill Clinton nomination speech, 16 times!
He (Dole) did not pick me to be a puppet. He wants me
to be Jack Kemp - and I will be Jack Kemp. But I will do it in private. In public, I will
support the leader of our ticket
Jack Kemp, Republican Vice Presidential Nominee
Carry me on the waves to the lands I've never seen
Don't lose the vision here
Twila Paris, Contemporary Christian Artist
Just because we live like dolphins together,
So many reasons to break the wave
Sophie B. Hawkins, Rock Singer
What a stupid song!
Dale Edwards, Paster, referring to the song "From a Distance"
We're living in an age of inconvenience
Nanci Griffith, Folk Singer
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
Alanis Morissette, Rock Singer
And sometimes you tell the truth like you're pulling taffy
Lisa Loeb, Rock Singer
A lot of people haven't won medals on the (pommel) horse.
John Tesh, Olympic gymnastics commentator and master of understatement.
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